Brave, Courageous, So Selfless

Since starting on this adoption journey as a birth mother on many occasions, I have been told that I was so "brave" or so "courageous" or "selfless".  I always hated it, it always made me feel just gross. I can't think of a better word to describe it, it just always rubbed me wrong. I never really knew why until just recently when I decided to google the definition of Brave: 
                      
                        - feeling or showing no fear: not afraid
             -having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty :  having or showing courage a brave soldier a brave smile
(Mirriamwebster.com)

When I think of the word brave as an adjective, I think of a person who has no fear and doesn't stray away from possible danger. They face the unknown with courage and confidence that they will make it out ok on the other side. I don't feel like that describes what I did for my son. When I decided on adoption for my son, I  feel like I wasn't being brave or selfless or courageous about it. I was terrified of the unknown. Scared of not being good enough to parent him, and that I would do something to mess him up or lose him. I feel I was selfish placing him because I was letting my own fears and lack of self-confidence control our lives together. This is probably why I sometimes feel regret too, not because I regret choosing his family for him but because I let what other people told me control my choice. I relied too much on what others thought because I was scared, and I feel like I should have tried harder to at least give parenting a try.
I love T's family, I love that I can be confident in knowing he is well cared for and will have the opportunity to do anything he wants in life. I still don't feel like brave, courageous, or selfless ar good words to describe my choice. I broke down in front my husband today, I had gotten a letter from a sweet woman telling me again how brave, courageous, and selfless I had been in my decision for T. I just couldn't take it, this week in particular I have heard those adjectives way too any times.
 My husband then told me something, something that really made sense to me. He said, "You are brave, though, not because of your decision to place T for adoption but because you decided to continue on after that." This spoke truth to me, even though I don't feel brave from my choice, I am brave for having the courage to continue in life even though my heart was shattered. Brave enough to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, and put them back together to be there for my son. Courageous enough to keep this relationship open with his parents, to try and work on myself to be a better role model for him. Selfless and courageous enough to try and use my stories, my experiences to teach others about adoption and to help other women who are in the same shoes I was in.
 I don't feel like adjectives like brave, courageous, or selfless describe my decision on adoption. But I do think they are good adjectives to describe my life post placement, as a birth mother. I experienced a great loss, but I'm still here, still living because I was brave afterwards. 

citation:
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/brave